Kimberly Peil

Archive for February, 2011|Monthly archive page

Ella’s Birthday, Part 2

In Uncategorized on February 17, 2011 at 2:52 pm

As you can tell Ella’s birth and birthday have been on the brain a lot lately.  Even though today has been a bit of a struggle… as in trying to get Ella to take a morning nap for 3 hours (and then not being successful and having to take her out to lunch with my friend), I still seem to be in a pretty good mood.  Her party is just 9 days away.  Of course, half of the people I’ve invited haven’t RSVP’d (that’s family for ya), so I guess I am making a big deal over this party for myself… and for the pictures.  Ella may not remember it, but at least the outcome should provide some good photos for her to have later on.

I just have to share this blog, because people are so stinkin’ creative when it comes to birthday parties!  I have been so inspired that I have been hounding my mother-in-law about re-arranging furniture and hanging things from the ceiling for the party (it is going to be at her house).  Anyways, I just wanted to share a few of my favorites!

Farm Chic Party

Pink & Orange First Birthday

Country Party.  This one isn’t even a birthday, but I think it is amazing!

Re-approaching Pregnancy & Birth

In Babies and Such, Everyday Thoughts, Uncategorized on February 16, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Almost a year ago one of the most joyous and yet most tragic events happened to me.  I gave birth to my baby girl… via c-section.  I know when some of you read that first sentence you want to vomit, or scream at me, or even smack me.  I have gotten a lot of backlash for my feelings about my birth experience.  I am often told that so many people have it worse.  Whether it is a “worse” experience or the fact that they can’t have children altogether.  I have had a year to mull over my feelings and beat myself up for what happened.  Beat myself up for being so ungrateful about how I gave birth to my daughter.  But the more I think about it the more I feel that I was entitled to my feelings.  No one should make me feel like my situation and my feelings are insignificant or less than someone else’s.  I am so thankful for my little girl, and wouldn’t trade her for a million perfect pregnancies and birth stories, but how I felt was still real.  When you go through 2 1/2 days of Pitocin, over 50 hours of real labor (without an epidural), and finally succumb to the harsh reality that they are going to go in and jerk your baby out of you, then we can talk.

What has been even more amazing is to know that I am not crazy… and I am not alone.  There have even been clinical studies showing the relationship between unplanned c-sections and postpartum depression and even PTSD.  If you care to have a deeper understanding, check it out here.

I am actually doing fantastic now.  But Hunter and I have been talking about having another baby, and I guess this has started to bring up some feelings again.  Before I had Ella I was very passionate about natural birth.  Not because I feel like it is a competition or that I have something to prove.  I really, truly believe that drugs and chemicals have life-altering affects.  Do I think the 50+ hours of Pitocin had an effect on Ella?  Yes I do.  I may not know how exactly yet, but I still believe this to be true.  It’s okay… you don’t have to agree with me.  We can still be friends.  After all, I am the one who chose to be induced when I was 2 weeks late.

Whew!  So now that I have that off of my chest…  I have a lot to think about when it comes to possibly getting pregnant again.  I had completely put the whole birth thing on a shelf after Ella.  Then about a month ago I started to revisit what had really happened to me.  I finally watched a video (thanks YouTube) of a live c-section.  Um, Yikes!  I started reading articles on VBAC’s versus repeat c-sections.  And although “The Business of Being Born” has been playing over and over in my head for the past year, I gave it another once over.

If I am blessed enough to get pregnant again, I will shoot for a VBAC, au naturel.   If things progress differently though, I will be open this time.  And I will give the situation to God.  Somehow I thought I was in control with my pregnancy with Ella.  I controlled everything I did and ate.  I was so set on how I was going to give birth.  I think I had set myself up for failure.  But I believe that we were meant to give birth a certain way, and I don’t buy it that my body just “isn’t quite made for it.”  God made it, and he allowed me to get pregnant.  He’ll be there when I give birth too (and I know he was last time!).

A few moments after I found out I would be having a c-section.

And finally seeing my beautiful baby girl for just a few brief moments, before I started convulsing and vomiting from the medication.

I have a beautiful little girl and she is a constant reminder that I don’t want to go through this again.  I want to be there for her and for our future children… both physically and emotionally.  I think people tend to forget that emotional health is just as important as physical health.

My Alarm Clock

In Uncategorized on February 14, 2011 at 10:21 am

There is something horribly unfair about being woken up every morning.  I no longer have a choice as to what time I can wake up.  My little monkey calls for me over the monitor at 5:30 am… almost every morning.  If I am lucky, we can make it to 6:30.  I know I shouldn’t complain.  Hunter has to wake up at 5:30 every morning anyways.  But it would be nice, just one day a week to sleep until 8 or 9.  Is that asking too much?  Maybe once this whole nursing thing is over I can send Ella to GiGi’s house for the night.  And then Hunter and I can sleep in and eat a huge breakfast without having to share every other bite.

On another note… Ella will be one in a few weeks!  And is it bad that I am looking forward to weaning her?  I thought I would want to nurse her until she was closer to two.  It has been a good relationship really.  It was easy breastfeeding (thankfully) and she has never bitten me (so far).  But Ella has reached the age where she will just reach down my shirt and dig for what she wants!  It’s great to understand what she is wanting at that moment, but at the same time I kind of want my body to myself again.  I hope it isn’t difficult weaning her… but considering how stubborn and strong-willed she is, I think it is going to be a challenge.  I guess we will see!

Here is what I get to spend my Valentine’s Day doing…

Chasing my adorable Monkey around!

Getting my Zumba on…

And then spending some time with my Love… probably watching Lost (which we just started a few weeks ago) and eating leftovers.  We already went on our Valentine’s date.

All in all, I guess it’s okay that I had a 5:30 wake up call if this is what I get to do.