Kimberly Peil

Archive for June, 2011|Monthly archive page

Love… What Love?

In Uncategorized on June 22, 2011 at 12:21 pm

Life has been hectic, to say the least.  Lately I have been overwhelmingly stressed, on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  I see people’s posts on Facebook, or talk to friends and I have this feeling that we are so far behind.  I don’t know what the “standard” really is, but I find it difficult to cope when people are going on trips, or even buying simple things like shoes…  I am sitting at home applying for night jobs, clipping coupons (and not because it is fun), and researching 5 different recipes for beans and rice to get us through the week.  Everything within me wants to kick in those bastard’s teeth who sent us spiraling down this dark hole.  I know I can’t place all the blame on someone else, but it would feel really good to get some of this aggression out.

 

It has been a slow adjustment moving to Beaverton.  The past two months I kind of locked myself up in our apartment, so I could wallow in my self-pity.  But two weeks ago we did finally decide to try out a church– Solid Rock… and I think last week’s sermon was exactly what I needed.  Corinthians 13.  I know I have heard this passage preached on at least a dozen times, and I am pretty sure even most non-Christians have heard it a time or two at a wedding.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

I don’t know why, but this time it hit me a lot harder than usual.  Most of the time I think, Oh what a nice verse about Love… but this time I was really convicted.  Love is BEING patient.  I swear I lose it every day with my precious little girl.  Love does not envy.  Yeah, definitely struggling with that on a daily basis.  I envy simple things like pedicures at a salon, a car that isn’t 15 years old, a house that fits our family comfortably.  Love is not proud.  I often find myself being too proud to admit to friends that I just can’t go out to lunch, or I can’t go shopping… if I do, then I won’t have money for groceries.  Love is not angry.  I am so angry at the company and the people that sent us down this path.  How do I love these people?  And Love apparently hopes and perseveres as well.  Yeah, I pretty much get a big fat F in Love.

So I hear this sermon and I so desperately want these attributes.  I am trying, praying, knowing I can’t do this on my own.  I am so thankful for an amazing husband and beautiful girl.  I am trying to hold it together for their sakes.  I live in a 460-unit apartment complex, and so I need to look at reality  and realize that we aren’t alone.  There are many families here too.  I don’t know what their stories are, but perhaps they have had some of the same struggles as us.  Not everybody has nice houses, new cars or even new shoes.  So I just need to take a deep breath, hug my baby and my husband and know that someday (even if it is 10 years down the road), things will be different.  And until they are, I still need to be happy so that I can enjoy my time with my Ells and my Hubs.

3 Month Check Up…

In Uncategorized on June 2, 2011 at 9:37 pm

The past three months have absolutely flown by, and I can’t believe I didn’t stop in to blog!  I have been busy starting a second business, moving to Beaverton, and taking care of Ells.  It’s been a little exciting and mostly overwhelming.  It’s always hard to get that first sell on your Etsy shop.  I get it… people want proof that you are legit.  And Beaverton is great, but I find myself feeling overwhelmingly lonely.  In Salem Ells and I had a routine of Library Storytime, Mom N’ Tots, and random play dates.  Now I mostly search for excuses to go to Target or Fred Meyer on a daily basis.

Ells (our new nickname for Ella) has been growing so quickly… she just hit the 15 month mark!  Being a first time mom, I am always amazed by every little thing that my baby girl does.  She has picked up signing quickly, and I really think it has helped her realize that she can communicate instead of just crying all the time.  She is also talking up a storm!  The most recent additions to her vocabulary are Edda (Ella), Ball, Apple, GiGi, All Gone, Balloon, Outside, Go, No, and Me.  It’s so funny, because I remember so many parents telling me that I will regret encouraging early crawling, walking and talking.  Not at all!  In fact, it is just the opposite.  I find so much joy in seeing Ella grow, explore and find ways to express herself.  I think it is all of these things that make her such a happy and inquisitive little girl!

I think one of the biggest adjustments for me has been weaning Ella from nursing.  It’s been a good relationship, but it was a little difficult that Ella would never take a bottle.  And then when she hit the One Year mark and we could finally give her milk, she ended up being allergic!  I wasn’t in a rush to wean her, but I needed a getaway with the Hubby!  When we finally quit nursing a few days ago part of me was relieved, but I was also feeling a little sad.  Ella is such a feisty and energetic little girl, that nursing was sometimes the only way I could get her to slow down and cuddle with me.  Thankfully the past few days have been filled with unsolicited hugs and kisses.  I think she knows I need her lovin’ now, more than ever. 🙂

Other excitement in the Land of Ells:  She is the cutest little mimicker!  She loves to pretend like she is putting on makeup, deodorant, or clipping her toenails.  Today I said, “Ella let’s go to the store.”  So she grabbed her little toy purse and her stuffed doggie and headed straight for the door!  Another thing I love about Ells is that she is not shy.  She makes a point of staring down every person in the grocery store and repeatedly saying “Hi” until they make eye contact with her.  Then she gives her goofy, over-the-top grin, while tilting her head.

We are also casually trying out potty training.  Don’t bother with the lecture… I know she is still very young.  But seriously, she almost always tells me that she has to go potty before she does it.  I just need to get the motivation to take her into the potty every time she tells me!

So that’s my quick summary of the past three months.  I promise I will try and check in a little more often.

It is unbelievable how much she looks like me when I was this age!