Kimberly Peil

Archive for June, 2012|Monthly archive page

Weston’s Birth Story and a Change of Heart

In Babies and Such, Uncategorized on June 13, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Here it is, three months later, and I am finally getting around to writing Weston’s birth story!  Two children keep me busier than I ever thought possible. But somehow things aren’t quite as shocking the second time around,  even though my children are very different… and their birth stories are extremely different.

I entered week 38 of my pregnancy with great anticipation but also with great fear.  It was still early, I told myself, as the midwife checked me and told me that I had made no progress whatsoever.  She couldn’t even strip my membranes. Ugh.  I was desperate to have a natural birth.  Scared to death of another C-section.  Fearing the prolonged recovery and the six months of unexpected post-partum depression.  I had been praying all along for a different outcome, but sometimes it is easy to get side-railed and forget to continue putting our trust in God.

And so I went home during week 38 and moped around.

Another check-up with the midwife at week 39 showed the slightest progression, but nothing to get too excited about.    At least she tried to strip my membranes.  Here’s hoping, I thought.  I still had to make an appointment with an OB though, to go over my plans for a “potential” follow-up C-section, because apparently the docs didn’t have much faith in me either.  It was frustrating putting a date on the calendar.  I pushed it out two weeks past my due date.  Ella was 10 days late.  I could handle two weeks, worst case scenario.

Weston’s due date, March 2nd, came and went.  Somehow I knew it would.  But on that day I found renewed strength and really rededicated myself to trusting God through this whole situation.  And then on March 3rd the contractions began!

They were on and off.  I was determined to make sure they continued. Squats, walking, squats, walking.  Every time I’d sit down, they’d stop.  And so late into the night I continued moving and the contractions kept coming.  I had never experienced this with Ella.  I never went into labor on my own.  I was excited that my body was doing what it should be this time around!

And so at about 4 am we decided to make the trip into the hospital.  I didn’t think my contractions were strong enough, but I was pretty sure my water was leaking, and so I became a little nervous.  At only 3 cm, they admitted me, because that’s what hospitals do when you have had a previous C-section.  You feel like they are steering you in that direction again.

But God knew what we needed.  He gave me the most awesome nurse who encouraged me to do things just the way I wanted.  She drove people out of the room that weren’t on board, and brought people in that would help.

At around 2 PM I hit a wall.  I hadn’t eaten in hours and hours, I was at 7 cm, and my water had been broken.  I gave in to the epidural.  Not that taking away pain is such a bad thing, but I was terrified that an epidural would just lead me down the road to another C-section.  And a few hours later the doctor came in, checked me, and put worry in my heart.  I was only 8 cm.  He began going over the next possible “steps.”  In other words, I wasn’t progressing fast enough and they potentially saw another C-section on the horizon.

My damn epidural wasn’t even working!  I cried.  I wanted to hit something, somebody.  All this for nothing?  Well, they amped up my epidural and I fell asleep for a few hours.

When I awoke the nurse checked me and said I was at 9.5 cm!  I think I was just too exhausted to continue without a little rest.  They turned off my epidural, and a few hours later I was pushing.  1 1/2 hours of pushing, and I ushered the most beautiful baby boy into this world. 9lbs 5 oz of pure joy.

I carried so much bitterness inside of me for the past two years over the fact that I had a C-section with Ella.  I was mad at my body for not going into labor on its own.  I was mad at the doctors and nurses for pushing me down the path that they did.  I was disappointed that I wasn’t strong enough to take a stand and refuse those steps.  And once I gave birth to that little boy, something inside of me changed.

I look back now on Ella’s birth and I no longer have bitterness.  I can see that she is absolutely perfect and wonderful.  While I don’t agree with the overuse of drugs and the outrageous number of C-sections that are performed these days, I no longer feel like a failure. I realize that she is not messed up from 56 hours of Pitocin and the subsequent C-section.  She is an incredibly smart, loving, and outgoing girl.  I think I learned that what really matters is what I put into her life both before and after that day of birth.

And I am so thankful that I was able to experience birth both ways, oddly enough.  If I am blessed enough to do it again, I would absolutely choose the natural route.  I believe that is what God intended for us, when circumstances aren’t extreme.  I am thankful though for the progress in medicine that allowed me to give birth to my 10lb 4 oz baby girl via C-section, when she just wouldn’t come on her own.

I feel like God brought me a whole lot of healing though Weston’s birth.  And not because I didn’t have a repeat C-section.  It’s actually seeing that no matter what way my babies arrived into this world, they have both been a little stubborn, bad sleepers, and very active and awake… ALL the time!  But it doesn’t matter, because they are both here and even on the roughest of days (which is about every other), I wouldn’t trade them or their birth stories for the world.  I have grown tremendously through each experience.  I have learned to put my trust in God and be a little more humble.  God is in control.  And what my children really need to know about their birth stories is that they are loved deeply, no matter the circumstances.

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February 28th, 2010, Ella Rose enters the world.

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And she changed my world for the better.

And then…

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On March 4th, 2012 Weston Hunter joined our family!

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And my amazing little boy made my life that much better.