Kimberly Peil

Archive for the ‘Babies and Such’ Category

Weston’s Birth Story and a Change of Heart

In Babies and Such, Uncategorized on June 13, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Here it is, three months later, and I am finally getting around to writing Weston’s birth story!  Two children keep me busier than I ever thought possible. But somehow things aren’t quite as shocking the second time around,  even though my children are very different… and their birth stories are extremely different.

I entered week 38 of my pregnancy with great anticipation but also with great fear.  It was still early, I told myself, as the midwife checked me and told me that I had made no progress whatsoever.  She couldn’t even strip my membranes. Ugh.  I was desperate to have a natural birth.  Scared to death of another C-section.  Fearing the prolonged recovery and the six months of unexpected post-partum depression.  I had been praying all along for a different outcome, but sometimes it is easy to get side-railed and forget to continue putting our trust in God.

And so I went home during week 38 and moped around.

Another check-up with the midwife at week 39 showed the slightest progression, but nothing to get too excited about.    At least she tried to strip my membranes.  Here’s hoping, I thought.  I still had to make an appointment with an OB though, to go over my plans for a “potential” follow-up C-section, because apparently the docs didn’t have much faith in me either.  It was frustrating putting a date on the calendar.  I pushed it out two weeks past my due date.  Ella was 10 days late.  I could handle two weeks, worst case scenario.

Weston’s due date, March 2nd, came and went.  Somehow I knew it would.  But on that day I found renewed strength and really rededicated myself to trusting God through this whole situation.  And then on March 3rd the contractions began!

They were on and off.  I was determined to make sure they continued. Squats, walking, squats, walking.  Every time I’d sit down, they’d stop.  And so late into the night I continued moving and the contractions kept coming.  I had never experienced this with Ella.  I never went into labor on my own.  I was excited that my body was doing what it should be this time around!

And so at about 4 am we decided to make the trip into the hospital.  I didn’t think my contractions were strong enough, but I was pretty sure my water was leaking, and so I became a little nervous.  At only 3 cm, they admitted me, because that’s what hospitals do when you have had a previous C-section.  You feel like they are steering you in that direction again.

But God knew what we needed.  He gave me the most awesome nurse who encouraged me to do things just the way I wanted.  She drove people out of the room that weren’t on board, and brought people in that would help.

At around 2 PM I hit a wall.  I hadn’t eaten in hours and hours, I was at 7 cm, and my water had been broken.  I gave in to the epidural.  Not that taking away pain is such a bad thing, but I was terrified that an epidural would just lead me down the road to another C-section.  And a few hours later the doctor came in, checked me, and put worry in my heart.  I was only 8 cm.  He began going over the next possible “steps.”  In other words, I wasn’t progressing fast enough and they potentially saw another C-section on the horizon.

My damn epidural wasn’t even working!  I cried.  I wanted to hit something, somebody.  All this for nothing?  Well, they amped up my epidural and I fell asleep for a few hours.

When I awoke the nurse checked me and said I was at 9.5 cm!  I think I was just too exhausted to continue without a little rest.  They turned off my epidural, and a few hours later I was pushing.  1 1/2 hours of pushing, and I ushered the most beautiful baby boy into this world. 9lbs 5 oz of pure joy.

I carried so much bitterness inside of me for the past two years over the fact that I had a C-section with Ella.  I was mad at my body for not going into labor on its own.  I was mad at the doctors and nurses for pushing me down the path that they did.  I was disappointed that I wasn’t strong enough to take a stand and refuse those steps.  And once I gave birth to that little boy, something inside of me changed.

I look back now on Ella’s birth and I no longer have bitterness.  I can see that she is absolutely perfect and wonderful.  While I don’t agree with the overuse of drugs and the outrageous number of C-sections that are performed these days, I no longer feel like a failure. I realize that she is not messed up from 56 hours of Pitocin and the subsequent C-section.  She is an incredibly smart, loving, and outgoing girl.  I think I learned that what really matters is what I put into her life both before and after that day of birth.

And I am so thankful that I was able to experience birth both ways, oddly enough.  If I am blessed enough to do it again, I would absolutely choose the natural route.  I believe that is what God intended for us, when circumstances aren’t extreme.  I am thankful though for the progress in medicine that allowed me to give birth to my 10lb 4 oz baby girl via C-section, when she just wouldn’t come on her own.

I feel like God brought me a whole lot of healing though Weston’s birth.  And not because I didn’t have a repeat C-section.  It’s actually seeing that no matter what way my babies arrived into this world, they have both been a little stubborn, bad sleepers, and very active and awake… ALL the time!  But it doesn’t matter, because they are both here and even on the roughest of days (which is about every other), I wouldn’t trade them or their birth stories for the world.  I have grown tremendously through each experience.  I have learned to put my trust in God and be a little more humble.  God is in control.  And what my children really need to know about their birth stories is that they are loved deeply, no matter the circumstances.

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February 28th, 2010, Ella Rose enters the world.

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And she changed my world for the better.

And then…

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On March 4th, 2012 Weston Hunter joined our family!

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And my amazing little boy made my life that much better.

Aging and the Beautiful Baristas

In Babies and Such, Health, Uncategorized on May 22, 2012 at 9:59 pm

Wow.  I haven’t written in FOREVER.  I guess having a baby is a pretty good excuse.  I still need to write about Weston’s birth story, but I’m not feeling it tonight.  I’m not exactly feeling all happy and gushy right now. Especially after he only napped a combined total of 2 hours today, and it took two hours to get him to sleep.  I really thought I was going to get a good napper the second time around.  No such luck.  So onto getting old…

Getting old has really snuck up on me.  I look around our apartment at pictures of me when I was 22 or 25, and I think, why don’t I look like that anymore?  It wasn’t that long ago.  But I feel ancient.

Yesterday I hit up the Black Rock drive-thru for my much-needed latte.  Here is this cute little barista with cute hair and cute makeup.  Here I am in my yoga pants, no makeup, and horribly grown out hair pulled back into a fro-tail.  She is perky and looks well rested.  I think, why don’t I look like that?  Well, she is probably 16, so I’ve got like 13 years on her.  Plus she probably wasn’t up several times last night, nursing a two-month old, while her two-year old is sandwiched between her and her husband, kicking her in the back.  I’ve got excuses, right?

It’s cute girls like this that have me obsessing over the Groupon deal for 20 units of Botox for $99.  Or watching the Dr. show and wondering if that butt lift tape could really help.  Of course, it doesn’t really matter.  The only people that see me these days are the grocery store clerks who work in the middle of the night, and the kind friends who schedule play dates with me occasionally.  Poor husband.  He’s really the only one I want to look good for.  And on the off chance that I am able to put on makeup that day, it is already a smeary mess by the time he gets home.

Having two children makes everything nearly impossible.  Grocery store, forget it.  I tried a few times.  Weston screaming in the Moby, bashing his head into my collar bone.  Ella being her cooperative self, but how on earth do I manage to get her in and out of our car, in and out of the shopping cart?  How do I keep everybody’s hands off of her, while Weston is screaming and head bashing.  Ugh.

Negative Nancy.  I know things will get better.  They always do.  I feel fat, but I guess I just had a baby 2 months ago.  I say 2 months, but now I am bordering 3.  I feel like once I have to say 3 months, then I have no excuse for being a sorry slob.  I’m sick of wearing baggy maternity jeans.

I’m working on it though.  Honestly.  Whitening the teeth, planning to tan, hair appointment on the books, and I should have a jogging stroller by June.  And a month of Extreme Bootcamp to look forward to– to kick my butt into shape.

Is this achievable again?  I hope so.

So Proud!

In Babies and Such on September 13, 2011 at 2:08 pm

I have to say, I am feeling so proud of my little girl today.  It is such a slow process of teaching a child things like manners and simple skills, that when they start putting them into practice on their own it can take a while to register.  But today I realized just how much my little Ells has grown up.

When she wants something and I can’t quite understand her, she will say “hand.”  So I put out my hand and she leads me to the object she is talking about.  Today she wanted more watermelon, and in the sweetest voice she says, “mo mo peez!”  It seriously melted my heart.  And then I gave it to her and she says, “tank tou” and blows me a kiss.  Ugh!  Child, you know how to pour it on!

And I have to admit that she is even cleaner than me.  I have a tendency to leave drawers half open.  She is always right there to close them.  She always picks up trash and throws it away.  And even when she spills her milk, she will ask me for a cowel (towel), and wipe it up herself.  I doubt this cleanliness will last forever, but I will take it while I can.

And then there is just the simple fact that her vocabulary has grown tremendously.  I didn’t even realize it until a few days ago, but I probably know what she is talking about 80% of the time.  All vehicles aren’t just cars anymore.  She can differentiate and say airplane, car, truck, bus, and lawn mower.  All animals aren’t “aminals” anymore.  She can say giraffe, cow, pig, duck, dog, cat, squirrel, fish, monkey, chicken, and a whole bunch of others.  And when the doctor asked me at her 18 month check-up if she could understand and point to parts of her body, I realized she knows all of her body parts and can say all of them too!  I love my little chatterbox.

And did I mention she can put on her own shoes?  Well, her velcro sandals and boots anyways.  But I love that I can tell her to go get her shoes on and she actually does it.  Other cuteness, she has learned a few emotions, and will tell me when she is sad or scared.  Or she will tell me when someone is crying.  I know these are all normal milestones, but it is impossible not to be proud when your baby girl does these things.

So I thought I would gush a little bit today.  I find that I get extra-gushy since I am pregnant again.  Ella just makes me so proud!

Ella is 18 months!

In Babies and Such, Recipes, Uncategorized on August 29, 2011 at 2:08 pm

It’s Monday!  But no Menu Monday for me.  We are having leftover pizza tonight, with this amazing Greek Salad that I whipped together.  OK, fine.  There is one recipe for ya!

If you haven’t discovered Pioneer Woman, you should.  I wouldn’t call her food healthy, but oh-my- goodness good!  If I made her stuff every week,  I would gain 50 pounds.

Anyways, Ella is 18 months old!  Seriously, how did that happen?!  There is absolutely no baby left in this girl… she is all toddler.  I couldn’t even begin to list all of the words she can say now.  She has a new one every day.

My absolute favorite thing is her new-found ability to sing.  If she wants to listen to a certain song, she will come up and hum part of it, or sing a little blurp of the lyrics (this is, of course, in her toddler-ese).  Her favorites are Barbara Ann by The Beach Boys and She Loves You by the Beatles.  She will come up and sing, “Ba Ba Ba ANN!” for Barbara Ann, or “Yeah, yeah, yeah” for She Loves You.  Holy cuteness!

She is still her feisty self, of course.  She has learned to re-enact various falls or injuries.  If I am making dinner, or doing something else where she isn’t getting enough attention, she will quickly re-enact one of these events to get some much needed hugs and kisses.

She loves amals (animals), playing atside (outside), going to the pawk (park), and fwing (swinging).  She also grown very attached to her baby doll, ever since finding out that there was another baby growing inside of mommy.  She spends a couple hours a day rocking it, changing its diaper and feeding it.

Oh yes, we found some animals!

She LOVES big doggies.

Did somebody say fwing at the pawk?!

And here she is, taking care of her BeeBee!



I am so blessed to have this little girl in my life!  Happy 1 1/2 years sweet Ella!

Baby #2

In Babies and Such on August 8, 2011 at 1:14 pm

That’s right, Baby #2!  We are cranking them out, because… well… we waited forever (4 1/2 years) to start having children, and now I am getting old.  Yes, I realize some of you don’t think I am old, but I feel old.  And I don’t want to be chasing toddlers around in my mid to late thirties.  Just personal preference.

Hunter and I are just a little OCD, and we did our best to apply it to our family planning.  My birthday is February 20th.  Hunter’s is February 22nd.  Ella’s is February 28th.  And the new baby is due March 6th.  Well, we didn’t quite land that one in February, but there is always a chance!  Our children are going to hate us for it, I am sure.

The second time around is so different.  I remember calling the midwife about every little thing when I was pregnant with Ella.  Should I feel this sick?  Can I eat this?  Can I drink this?  Should I have gained 12 pounds in the past 2 weeks?  I haven’t called my midwife once this time around.  I feel so much more at ease.  And quite honestly, I am so busy with Ella, Hunter, and work that I don’t have time to stress out or focus on feeling sick all the time.

It is a crazy time for us, but I am incredibly excited to add another baby to this family!  I know some people might judge us (and already have), and wonder why we are having more children when we aren’t in the best situation.  The truth is that we won’t be out of this “situation” for a good 5-6 more years.  We have a solid plan to get out of it, but I am not waiting until I am 34 to have another child.  Pieces don’t always fall in place perfectly for everyone.  So while we may be struggling in certain areas, I feel overwhelmingly blessed to get the opportunity to be a mommy to two children.

And I feel like God’s blessing is on our decision too.  In the past few weeks we have seen so many doors open up in regards to our finances.  We are making money and paying off debts quickly, when things seemed to be at such a stand-still for quite a while.  Not that I have to explain myself to anybody, but when the majority of people ask me, “was this baby planned,”  I know that they are passing judgement.  Yes they were planned and I am thrilled beyond measure.

Baby #2, I can’t wait to meet you!

 

Finally… Ella’s First Birthday!

In Babies and Such, Uncategorized on March 1, 2011 at 7:14 am

Ella’s first birthday has come and gone.  The party was perfect, and while I was stressing over people who didn’t RSVP, no one showed up that didn’t exercise common courtesy.  I was really happy with my decorations, but unfortunately my crappy camera didn’t do them justice.  Sigh.  I will share a few anyways.

The Dessert Table

A Picture for each month leading up to her birthday.

Some Martha Stewart inspired Poms with a scrapbooked sign.

And of course, most importantly, the Birthday Girl!

 

I’m not sad that she’s growing up.  Not yet anyways.  I love the stage that she is in right now.  She is so much fun and such a joy to be around.  I am learning to accept that she doesn’t like or need as much sleep as most children her age.  And that she is incredibly stubborn… like refusing cow’s milk, goat’s milk, rice milk, soymilk, and almond milk when I am desperately ready to wean her.  And I am constantly amazed by how smart she is.  Like pointing at the computer and wiggling her butt when she wants to dance, or begging to be put in her highchair when she is hungry.  This year has gone by incredibly fast, and every second of craziness or lost sleep has been worth it.  I love my little girl more than I ever thought was possible.  Happy First Birthday Punkin’ Jr.

Re-approaching Pregnancy & Birth

In Babies and Such, Everyday Thoughts, Uncategorized on February 16, 2011 at 7:44 pm

Almost a year ago one of the most joyous and yet most tragic events happened to me.  I gave birth to my baby girl… via c-section.  I know when some of you read that first sentence you want to vomit, or scream at me, or even smack me.  I have gotten a lot of backlash for my feelings about my birth experience.  I am often told that so many people have it worse.  Whether it is a “worse” experience or the fact that they can’t have children altogether.  I have had a year to mull over my feelings and beat myself up for what happened.  Beat myself up for being so ungrateful about how I gave birth to my daughter.  But the more I think about it the more I feel that I was entitled to my feelings.  No one should make me feel like my situation and my feelings are insignificant or less than someone else’s.  I am so thankful for my little girl, and wouldn’t trade her for a million perfect pregnancies and birth stories, but how I felt was still real.  When you go through 2 1/2 days of Pitocin, over 50 hours of real labor (without an epidural), and finally succumb to the harsh reality that they are going to go in and jerk your baby out of you, then we can talk.

What has been even more amazing is to know that I am not crazy… and I am not alone.  There have even been clinical studies showing the relationship between unplanned c-sections and postpartum depression and even PTSD.  If you care to have a deeper understanding, check it out here.

I am actually doing fantastic now.  But Hunter and I have been talking about having another baby, and I guess this has started to bring up some feelings again.  Before I had Ella I was very passionate about natural birth.  Not because I feel like it is a competition or that I have something to prove.  I really, truly believe that drugs and chemicals have life-altering affects.  Do I think the 50+ hours of Pitocin had an effect on Ella?  Yes I do.  I may not know how exactly yet, but I still believe this to be true.  It’s okay… you don’t have to agree with me.  We can still be friends.  After all, I am the one who chose to be induced when I was 2 weeks late.

Whew!  So now that I have that off of my chest…  I have a lot to think about when it comes to possibly getting pregnant again.  I had completely put the whole birth thing on a shelf after Ella.  Then about a month ago I started to revisit what had really happened to me.  I finally watched a video (thanks YouTube) of a live c-section.  Um, Yikes!  I started reading articles on VBAC’s versus repeat c-sections.  And although “The Business of Being Born” has been playing over and over in my head for the past year, I gave it another once over.

If I am blessed enough to get pregnant again, I will shoot for a VBAC, au naturel.   If things progress differently though, I will be open this time.  And I will give the situation to God.  Somehow I thought I was in control with my pregnancy with Ella.  I controlled everything I did and ate.  I was so set on how I was going to give birth.  I think I had set myself up for failure.  But I believe that we were meant to give birth a certain way, and I don’t buy it that my body just “isn’t quite made for it.”  God made it, and he allowed me to get pregnant.  He’ll be there when I give birth too (and I know he was last time!).

A few moments after I found out I would be having a c-section.

And finally seeing my beautiful baby girl for just a few brief moments, before I started convulsing and vomiting from the medication.

I have a beautiful little girl and she is a constant reminder that I don’t want to go through this again.  I want to be there for her and for our future children… both physically and emotionally.  I think people tend to forget that emotional health is just as important as physical health.

Few of My Favorite Things

In Babies and Such, Health on October 5, 2010 at 8:03 pm

This week I was on a mission to find a little finger scrubber toothbrush dealie for Ella.  She still doesn’t have any teeth, but I figured I might as well get her into the habit of brushing.  She’s a stubborn one, and I am afraid that if I wait too long I will have to endure finger biting and full-on tantrums.

So I am standing in the baby aisle of Rite Aid, inspecting the infant toothpaste and reading the ingredients like any obsessed, overly paranoid parent does.  Then I realize that half of them have Paraben in them!  It’s bad enough that most lotions and other cosmetic products have Paraben, but now I am going to actually feed it to my baby?!  I think not!

I don’t want to bore everyone with the details on paraben… if you are interested in the possible effects check this out:
http://www.thegoodhuman.com/2007/06/21/what-are-parabens-and-why-should-you-avoid-them/

Otherwise, here is a list of my favorite, NON-PARABEN baby items!

California Baby Bug Repellent

 

Neutrogena Pure & Free Sunblock

 

Johnson’s Natural Head to Toe Foaming Baby Wash

 

California Baby Calendula Lotion

 

And my new fave, Earth’s Best Baby Toothpaste.

7 Months, Going on a Year

In Babies and Such on September 29, 2010 at 11:02 am

This week has been a crazy whirlwind of business stuff, and amongst it all Ella turned 7 months old.  How did we get to this point so quickly?  I swear it was just yesterday I was walking around the Riverfront Park, nearing 200 lbs, carrying a bowling ball in my belly and begging my already 2 week late little girl to come out.  Of course, I don’t think I was prepared for everything that would follow.  Total consumption.  This little girl turned my life upside down.

I don’t understand how most moms do it.  I mean look so happy those first few weeks… or months for that matter.  Oh I was happy, but in a completely exhausted, who just ran me over with a semi-truck sort of way.  I have never once wished that I didn’t have Ella, I just wished that someone had warned me how crazy life is with an all-consuming newborn.  I still look back on the first six months and wonder if Ella was just a very difficult newborn or if I was so set in my ways that it was hard to adjust.

Well, we’ve hit 7 months and somewhere along the way there has been a shift.  I feel like I can breathe again.  Ella is a happy, crawling little girl.  I am a happy mommy who has found ways to fit other things into my life, like starting up some home businesses and giving some of my time to others.

This morning I woke up to the sound of Ella singing in her crib (she really does sing, while waving one hand.  It is the cutest thing!).  Hunter brought her in to see me.  I reached out my hands to take her, and she placed both of her hands on my face and gave me a big, slobbery kiss!  Then she pulled back and gave me the sweetest smile.  It’s those little things that make the nine months of swollen misery and the next six months of insanity all worth it.

I’m so Mom-ish

In Babies and Such, Miscellaneous on September 21, 2010 at 9:15 am

Today is probably the first day that I am starting to understand that “Mom Look.”  You know it when you see it.  Women who have totally let themselves go, and it just makes you wonder what happened.  They’ve got Mom Jeans, no make up, and bed hair (but not in a cute way).  I’m not saying I am to that point, but I am realizing that it is easy to let yourself go.

I think I walked around today and possibly even ran an errand or two with smeared baby oatmeal on my shirt.  By 3 PM, my mascara and eyeliner had created horrible shadows under my eyes.  And I had a simple assignment to find a sweater for myself when I went shopping today… instead, I came out of Carter’s with a bag full of clothes for Ella.  Not a single thing for myself.  What am I going to do?  I can’t wear the maternity sweaters that I wore last fall.  Ugh.  I don’t even know what is in style right now.  The only magazines I currently read are about parenting and cooking.  This is pretty sad.

Well, all’s not lost yet.  At least I’ve stepped it up at the gym.  That’s a good start, right?